Oops, I Did it Again!

I have just come back from yet another admission into the Northern General through A&E. I wasn’t feeling well all morning and when I went to the Dentists for Midday, I apparently looked abit poo! After going up and down the stairs for xray’s and stuff, I was looking even worse and the pain would not go away, even after three doses of GTN. I have to say the Dentists were great they cleared the waiting room and had all the dentists and Nurses looking after me, had me Oxygen and giving me an aspirin!.

A&E was interesting, they managed to lose my T shirt, but I was transferred quiet quickly to Chesterman 2, this was boring, there was no Patient line so no radio and no TV. The guys in the bay were all very friendly as always, even if they were poorly.

Now I am back home Vanessa is not at all happy leaving me alone. This is not great for me as this feels like she is smothering me. I’ll let her get away with it for a bit, but I will have to reign her in a little if I am to be able to do anything without her.

Final Day; John 21; vv 1 - 14

This reading covers the period before Pentecost, and I believe that the disciples were probably feeling lost, confused, bereft and unsure of what to do next. In this situation many tend to fall back to old ingrained habits or familiar patterns and therefore the idea to go fishing would have been a natural one. We are told that Jesus appeared quiet often to his disciples before ascension during a period of 40 days.

The fishermen returning from a fruitless nights’ work would have been disheartened and tired. I think, had I been there, when I heard the man from the shore asking if we had anything (a legitimate question!) I would have felt a bit ‘narked off’ at him. When he instructed them to throw their net back in the water I am sure that they would have been unsure whether or not to do so, after all, what did this man know, that they, the professionals did not? This distrust would have turned to amazement and wonder with questions like “How on Earth did he know the fish were there?” when the net was so full of fish (153 large fish, so we are told!) that they could not pull it in.

The sudden realisation that this was their Lord, Jesus Christ would have caused excitement again, and true to form, Peter was the first to drop everything, without thinking, and rush to meet with his Rabboni. I can imagine the whispered conversations “Are you mad? it can’t be him!”, “It is him, Oh My!!” It was not until they were all in Jesus’ presence that they knew, without asking who it was.

I wonder what Peter’s motivation was to jump into the water and leave the hard work of bringing the fish back to shore? I think it may have been a need to repent his denial of Jesus, love, excitement and a need to speak with his teacher to make things better.

Jesus tells them to come and break fast with him. To me this affirms that Jesus Christ feeds us not only in body, but mind as well, given that we act out of trust and obedience.

Fifth Day; Mark 10; vv 46 - 52

Bartimaeus was begging near the city of Jerico’s gates. He being blind would have heard the crowd noisily praising God and Jesus as the Messiah. When Jesus passes near, Bartimaeus lifts his voice out loudly, only to be told to be quiet by those near him, ‘what do you think you are doing beggar, disturbing this Rabbi? What right do you have, you are a no-one!’ If I were to be told this I would be incensed and would try even harder to be heard above the noise. Of course this is exactly what Bartimaeus does, he was so desperate to see again, he believes without doubt that Jesus could and would heal him if he could get his attention.

I am sure that Bartimaeus had heard stories of this man, Jesus, and what he had been doing and would have been excited to realise that Jesus was about to go past him. We are not told how long Bartimaeus had been blind, but if we assume he lost his sight gradually he would be more desperate to gain his sight back. Jesus asks Bartimaeus “What do you want me to do for you?” This simple question is an absolutely wonderful thing to be asked by our Lord and saviour and would leave me in awe.

Jesus replies to Bartimaeus’ request for healing saying “your faith has healed you”, this is a message to us all that even in our darkest moments so long as we pray in faith and trust that he is listening then he will answer us in his mercy as he does in this story. The darkness had been lifted from Bartimaeus because he trusted Jesus and had faith that he could heal him. Today we could use the blindness as a metaphor to mean being in sin and not knowing the love of Jesus in our lives, and Jesus being the light of the world. ‘Blindness’ is something that we all suffer from during our journey.

Trust
Obedience
Faith
Boldness
Strength

I believe to truly follow Christ, we each need a measure of the above before we can pray with the authority of Jesus that is given to us by inference from the disciples teachings. However, when we examine the Bible, the over lying message is that we are called to follow Jesus in faith and obedience, and in doing so gives us strength and boldness that serves to increase our faith!

Lord,
I pray you will wash away the scales of sin from my eyes,
open them to your Glory and close my heart and ears to the words of the ‘evil one’.
Let me make you the centre of everything that I do.
Help me to pass your message by example.
Let me speak with boldness, strength and the authority you have given us.
I thank you for your sacrifice freely given.
Thank you that you answer prayer.
Lord, I pray for opportunities to pass on your ‘Good News’ and when they present
themselves I pray you give me the wisdom, discernment and knowledge to speak the
right words.
In your name, our most blesséd saviour, Jesus Christ.
Amen.

Fourth Day; Luke 23; vv 39 - 42

I had a rather stressful day today as I had a Psychiatric Evaluation for CBT. It left me feeling like a wrung out sponge. I managed to get the time to study the passage in one go. When I went into too Harold I went off at a hundred miles an hour. Harold just stopped me, he knew where I had been and just told me to be still for a moment, forget earlier today, and just concentrate on what God was saying. I have to say this really helped.

I managed to miss the point that Harold wanted to get from this reading however, he managed to tease what he wanted out of me †.

I imagined myself as a non believer in the crowd and thought that I would have been:

Confused
Disbelieving
Who was this Guy, they were calling the Son of God/The King of The Jews?
If he is the Messiah, why are we crucifying him?

I moved on to think about how Jesus would have been feeling at this point.

It struck me firstly that he had to be in a tremendous amount of pain!
he may have been afraid, he would be trusting in his Father but worried that he might be forgotten
He may have felt sorrow that people did not realise the scale of the sacrifice he was giving

The passage tells us that there were two criminals being crucified at the the same time as Jesus. The first we are taught was scornful and taunted Jesus by saying
“You are the Son of God save yourself then”. There is a point of view that suggests that this criminal was possessed by the ‘evil one’, and that he, the Devil, took this final chance to taunt Jesus and tempt him into using his authority to remove the burden on him. This criminal had no intention of repenting for his deeds giving the devil easy access.

†The second criminal showed compassion and repentance of his deeds and by simply admitting this, he was forgiven, Jesus unexpectedly says in verse 43 that they will meet again in paradise! What a response, that would have floored me and certainly would have gladdened that man who received such a blessing as this.

All through this passage the Lord would have been in absolute agony and yet, not only did he refuse the assistance of poison to speed the process, he managed to pray not just for him but for us also! Christ’s blood was spilt for our sins so that we can be reborn! Even in our darkest, most painful moments Jesus is always there waiting for us to call out to him in faith for help.

Lord, I am overwhelmed by your sacrifice for me,
your obedience and trust in your Father.
Help me to walk in your footsteps that everyone I
meet may know the joy of your love.
Amen.

Third Day; Luke 22; vv 39 - 46

In this passage Jesus once again, needs time to be alone with his Father, although this time it is not very far from the others. We are told only a stones throw away. I think that at this point Jesus might have been tempted to turn away from his destined path. And his Father knew this so sent an Angel to encourage him that his path was the right one. It must be remembered that this occurred straight after the ‘Last Supper’ and so everyone would have seen and heard the argument that occurred between Jesus and Judas Escariot. If I were facing the same path I know that this alone would have given me food for thought!

This tells of the great faith that Jesus held for his Father and his love for Mankind. Even though he knew what must be done, he also knew that he he could ask his Father to lighten the burden and indeed did. He knew that going forward would save mankind!

I am sure that the disciples would have been confused, not just by the argument but by the very nature of what went on during the ‘Last Supper’. The references to his body and blood and that He would not always be with them and indeed was going where they could not yet follow him too. The distance that Jesus was away from them could have meant that they heard everything that Jesus prayed about! This would scare and confuse and I think this is why they fell asleep, from sheer nervous exhaustion. I wonder if Jesus had thoughts about them, did he worry that he had not chosen the right men for the job ahead?

I feel the lesson to be learned from this passage is that we should all trust our Father implicitly just as Jesus did, and to have the obedience and integrity to live by the word.

Second Day; Matthew 14; vv 22 - 32

I met with Harold for the first ‘proper’ session with him today. It felt a bit rushed as every time I attempted to sit down to do the half hour meditation in the morning something interrupted. I felt rushed as I also helped Suzette out with Her service of Harvest festival with the staff and children of Wincobank Nursery and Infants School. In the end I did it in two 20 minute slots but it did not feel right and I was feeling a little disjointed.

The main point that I got out of the passage was that even Jesus needed time alone with God, and that if He did, then it is not unreasonable to suggest that we should try and do the same.

Again that simple word, Come was in this passage reminding us that all we are required to do is be obedient, anything else is icing on the cake.

It shows that without Jesus in our lives things are rocky, as in the waves and wind picking up in the passage, it is interesting to note that when Jesus gets in the boat, then the wind and waves die down, this is echoed similarly in several of the other Gospels (cf Matthew 8; vv 23 - 27, Mark 4; vv 35 - 41 & Luke 8; vv 22 - 25).

I wonder what Peter’s motives were for getting out of the Boat? Ego, faith, wanting to be the best disciple? Either way he would have required belief that he could do it and therefore without thinking He jumps in. It is not until he notices the wind and waves that he gets distracted and starts to sink, however, instead of asking for help from the other disciples he cries out to Jesus for help, knowing that in doing so he would be saved. This is something that we all should practice as without Jesus in the centre of our lives we are unable to do the things we are called to do accurately.

First Day; John 1; vv 35 - 39

Last night was the first meeting of the Week of Accompanied Prayer (WOP). There was a time of prayer and meditation and the reading John 1; vv 35-39. This reading spoke volumes to me. It spoke of reclothing or renewal, I felt that I was being told to be still, and that in the stillness I would know that You are my God. During my half hour with you today the reading spoke of the wonder I felt at being asked to come. Me an individual with sin and regrets is still welcome at your table. It spoke of trust as by being obedient it would open me to more attack, but the trust and faith in you would give me the strength to fight whatever is laid against me. Vanessa thought that Luke 1; vv 35 & 39 would be appropriate as well as Zephaniah 3; v 17, each speaks of obedience to the lord. I felt overwhelmed with the feeling that Jesus asks us What we want when I feel it should be the other way round.

Being obedient to the word Come is dangerous, it can bring Joy and great sadness but I felt that God was saying I will not put anything on you that you will not cope with or learn from!!

My afternoon session ended up with Pauline as Harold was ill today, but Pauline was quick to pick up on the dichotomy of the command to ‘Be Still’ and the fact that I was talking about running in the cycle of grace. I felt like I was having a verbal explosion all over Pauline, she felt that I need to explore that trust issue, suggesting I look at Peter walking on the water (Matt 14; vv 22-32) and meditate on these issues. After glimpsing at the passage it immediately seemed to speak to me again. I hope that this week continues in this way as I will really get a lot from this week which may enable me to keep the ‘connection’ open with you, my God & King!