Yet Another Trip to Chesterman 1, NGH

Yeap, I’m currently typing this in a side room on Chesterman 1. At least I got through Christmas Day! A&E then Chesterman 4 for 30 seconds, and do mean 30 seconds. Then back to my ‘favourite ward’. Anyway apparently I had a black out that lasted roughly 1hr 10 mins. I ended up in A&E with chest pain. Managed to black out as last night on the way back from the loo and landed on the floor. Wrist is sore and I am due to be going in for an Xray on it this morning. I really must see about getting a listing with Lloyds as a hazard to shipping. Any way hopefully going home today? I may well try and update later.

A brief Holiday Curtesy of the Tax Payer

I have been returned from my incarcaration at HMP Northern General Hospital. Went in on 4th Dec and came out 14th, since then I have felt as weak as a kitten and unable to do even the most basic of chores. I have been banned from driving until after seeing the Neurologists at the Hallamshire in the new year as I seem to be having ‘fits’ of some kind although apparently not epilepsy. Christmas has rushed upon us, not feeling like I’m in the mood but am trying for the kids sake. Maybe a good carol service will help get me in the mood.

Its Finally Arrived

My iPhone has arrived today and so far it is a brilliant piece of kit, only Apple could come up with an item that syncs, activates and does all the other neat things we like to do with PDA’s/Phones.

My Dentist has decided that I can’t have my tooth taken out by them and has referred me to the local Dental hospital, I don’t know why? (Maybe the getting carted out in an Ambulance was the killer?)

Am feeling sad because England have not qualified for the European cup. Because Numpty Mclean decided to put an inexperienced Goal keeper in a vital match, was he drunk when He picked the team or did he use the blindfold and pin method. I think He will be getting his P45 tomorrow or some time in the next week.

Day after Delirious?

You know what my throat is still hoarse,my back,knee and elbow ache, But I am still buzzing about the encounter last night!

I have now decided that I am going to help out as a reading buddy in my kids nursery and Infants school, they are short of male role models apparently. I start next week lets see how it goes. That’s enough for today I am still shattered after a really busy week and I am not likely to get any relaxation this week either as it a busy one again. Heah ho, no rest for the wicked. At least I’ve got my iPhone to look forward to on Wednesday!!!!!!!!!!

Delirious? What a Group!!!!!!!

Wow, Blimey, flippin’ ‘eck, awesome, bloomin’ marvellous, mind blowing, these are just some of the superlatives I could chuck at you right now! I am sitting in bed still buzzing after seeing said band live for the first time ever! For those who don’t know who they are, they are a Contemporary Christian Rock Band, and Boy do they know how to pull some riff’s. You know I’ve been to one other live Christian worship event and it just increases the connection to the almighty. I can’t wait till their new album is released in March 08. I can highly recommend the Plug @ Sheffield for any concert of this sort. The only problem was getting coats after the finish, Big deal I say!!!! I want more in fact I’m about to put my iPod on and go to sleep listening to Access D: Live worship in the key of D. Curious go to http://www.delirious.co.uk.

Summary of the week of Prayer

It has been almost a month since I enjoyed the week of accompanied prayer, and I thought now would be a good time to revisit the journal I made of that week and evaluate what I learned and whether or not I have been sticking to the promises made.

For me there was several things that came out of this week.

Obedience
Trust
Faith
Stillness
A Need for quiet times with out prayer just listening for God (cf Ps 46 v 10) Be still and know that I am God, I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth)
The need to read the bible more often than I am
That We can ask anything in His name
That the only calling on our lives is to come and worship him.

I have moved forward since these sessions, in how I read the Bible, I still do not read it often enough, I also still do not spend any quiet time with him, but I am trying. I have already been blessed tenfold for obedience in worship when I really don’t want or feel ready for it.

Lord God,
You are Alpha and Omega,
You are the beginning and the end,
Help me to serve you to the best of my abilities,
Help me to be more trusting and faithful to your message,
Lord, above all, give me the wisdom and discernment to spend time alone with you.
Let me open my ears, eyes and heart to the messages you have for me,
and give me the strength to keep going on my journey with you.
Thank you for the many blessings you bestow upon me and my family
In Your Blesséd name, Jesus Christ.
Amen.

The things that brighten our lives.

A mate of mine from church has just phoned to check how I am, he and I had a talk on Wednesday night about my day and I have to say I really let steam off at him. It had not been a good day. Anyway I found out that his Father has just been diagnosed with an inoperable tumour and was wanting some prayer for his father and his adopted daughter. I went round after having my flu jab! Anyway we prayed together and it was great how just some pretty small words of comfort seemed to brighten him, and if I’m honest myself as well. Dear Lord I thank you for friends, family and the ability to talk to you as not only our sovereign Lord but our Father. Take your servants and wrap them in your love, strength and peace today and for the coming weeks.

Yeah Just been given a ticket to see Delirious? play live tomorrow night @ the Plug. Yeah great band, great worship I looking forward to it!!!!!!! Will post when I get over the exicetment tomorrow!!!!!

New Month, Same Stuff Happening

You know just for once Lord , I would like my life to be as simple as it would have been as a child. I am fed up with having no money, no work and just generally feeling pants!!!! The Bright party went ok last night. There wasn’t as many children there as last year, however, because of holidays I am sure that this was the reason. I felt that the graffiti wall did not work very well with the age group that we had! If I am honest it left me feeling a bit let down and not as praise full as I was hoping!

Oops, I Did it Again!

I have just come back from yet another admission into the Northern General through A&E. I wasn’t feeling well all morning and when I went to the Dentists for Midday, I apparently looked abit poo! After going up and down the stairs for xray’s and stuff, I was looking even worse and the pain would not go away, even after three doses of GTN. I have to say the Dentists were great they cleared the waiting room and had all the dentists and Nurses looking after me, had me Oxygen and giving me an aspirin!.

A&E was interesting, they managed to lose my T shirt, but I was transferred quiet quickly to Chesterman 2, this was boring, there was no Patient line so no radio and no TV. The guys in the bay were all very friendly as always, even if they were poorly.

Now I am back home Vanessa is not at all happy leaving me alone. This is not great for me as this feels like she is smothering me. I’ll let her get away with it for a bit, but I will have to reign her in a little if I am to be able to do anything without her.

Final Day; John 21; vv 1 - 14

This reading covers the period before Pentecost, and I believe that the disciples were probably feeling lost, confused, bereft and unsure of what to do next. In this situation many tend to fall back to old ingrained habits or familiar patterns and therefore the idea to go fishing would have been a natural one. We are told that Jesus appeared quiet often to his disciples before ascension during a period of 40 days.

The fishermen returning from a fruitless nights’ work would have been disheartened and tired. I think, had I been there, when I heard the man from the shore asking if we had anything (a legitimate question!) I would have felt a bit ‘narked off’ at him. When he instructed them to throw their net back in the water I am sure that they would have been unsure whether or not to do so, after all, what did this man know, that they, the professionals did not? This distrust would have turned to amazement and wonder with questions like “How on Earth did he know the fish were there?” when the net was so full of fish (153 large fish, so we are told!) that they could not pull it in.

The sudden realisation that this was their Lord, Jesus Christ would have caused excitement again, and true to form, Peter was the first to drop everything, without thinking, and rush to meet with his Rabboni. I can imagine the whispered conversations “Are you mad? it can’t be him!”, “It is him, Oh My!!” It was not until they were all in Jesus’ presence that they knew, without asking who it was.

I wonder what Peter’s motivation was to jump into the water and leave the hard work of bringing the fish back to shore? I think it may have been a need to repent his denial of Jesus, love, excitement and a need to speak with his teacher to make things better.

Jesus tells them to come and break fast with him. To me this affirms that Jesus Christ feeds us not only in body, but mind as well, given that we act out of trust and obedience.

Fifth Day; Mark 10; vv 46 - 52

Bartimaeus was begging near the city of Jerico’s gates. He being blind would have heard the crowd noisily praising God and Jesus as the Messiah. When Jesus passes near, Bartimaeus lifts his voice out loudly, only to be told to be quiet by those near him, ‘what do you think you are doing beggar, disturbing this Rabbi? What right do you have, you are a no-one!’ If I were to be told this I would be incensed and would try even harder to be heard above the noise. Of course this is exactly what Bartimaeus does, he was so desperate to see again, he believes without doubt that Jesus could and would heal him if he could get his attention.

I am sure that Bartimaeus had heard stories of this man, Jesus, and what he had been doing and would have been excited to realise that Jesus was about to go past him. We are not told how long Bartimaeus had been blind, but if we assume he lost his sight gradually he would be more desperate to gain his sight back. Jesus asks Bartimaeus “What do you want me to do for you?” This simple question is an absolutely wonderful thing to be asked by our Lord and saviour and would leave me in awe.

Jesus replies to Bartimaeus’ request for healing saying “your faith has healed you”, this is a message to us all that even in our darkest moments so long as we pray in faith and trust that he is listening then he will answer us in his mercy as he does in this story. The darkness had been lifted from Bartimaeus because he trusted Jesus and had faith that he could heal him. Today we could use the blindness as a metaphor to mean being in sin and not knowing the love of Jesus in our lives, and Jesus being the light of the world. ‘Blindness’ is something that we all suffer from during our journey.

Trust
Obedience
Faith
Boldness
Strength

I believe to truly follow Christ, we each need a measure of the above before we can pray with the authority of Jesus that is given to us by inference from the disciples teachings. However, when we examine the Bible, the over lying message is that we are called to follow Jesus in faith and obedience, and in doing so gives us strength and boldness that serves to increase our faith!

Lord,
I pray you will wash away the scales of sin from my eyes,
open them to your Glory and close my heart and ears to the words of the ‘evil one’.
Let me make you the centre of everything that I do.
Help me to pass your message by example.
Let me speak with boldness, strength and the authority you have given us.
I thank you for your sacrifice freely given.
Thank you that you answer prayer.
Lord, I pray for opportunities to pass on your ‘Good News’ and when they present
themselves I pray you give me the wisdom, discernment and knowledge to speak the
right words.
In your name, our most blesséd saviour, Jesus Christ.
Amen.

Fourth Day; Luke 23; vv 39 - 42

I had a rather stressful day today as I had a Psychiatric Evaluation for CBT. It left me feeling like a wrung out sponge. I managed to get the time to study the passage in one go. When I went into too Harold I went off at a hundred miles an hour. Harold just stopped me, he knew where I had been and just told me to be still for a moment, forget earlier today, and just concentrate on what God was saying. I have to say this really helped.

I managed to miss the point that Harold wanted to get from this reading however, he managed to tease what he wanted out of me †.

I imagined myself as a non believer in the crowd and thought that I would have been:

Confused
Disbelieving
Who was this Guy, they were calling the Son of God/The King of The Jews?
If he is the Messiah, why are we crucifying him?

I moved on to think about how Jesus would have been feeling at this point.

It struck me firstly that he had to be in a tremendous amount of pain!
he may have been afraid, he would be trusting in his Father but worried that he might be forgotten
He may have felt sorrow that people did not realise the scale of the sacrifice he was giving

The passage tells us that there were two criminals being crucified at the the same time as Jesus. The first we are taught was scornful and taunted Jesus by saying
“You are the Son of God save yourself then”. There is a point of view that suggests that this criminal was possessed by the ‘evil one’, and that he, the Devil, took this final chance to taunt Jesus and tempt him into using his authority to remove the burden on him. This criminal had no intention of repenting for his deeds giving the devil easy access.

†The second criminal showed compassion and repentance of his deeds and by simply admitting this, he was forgiven, Jesus unexpectedly says in verse 43 that they will meet again in paradise! What a response, that would have floored me and certainly would have gladdened that man who received such a blessing as this.

All through this passage the Lord would have been in absolute agony and yet, not only did he refuse the assistance of poison to speed the process, he managed to pray not just for him but for us also! Christ’s blood was spilt for our sins so that we can be reborn! Even in our darkest, most painful moments Jesus is always there waiting for us to call out to him in faith for help.

Lord, I am overwhelmed by your sacrifice for me,
your obedience and trust in your Father.
Help me to walk in your footsteps that everyone I
meet may know the joy of your love.
Amen.

Third Day; Luke 22; vv 39 - 46

In this passage Jesus once again, needs time to be alone with his Father, although this time it is not very far from the others. We are told only a stones throw away. I think that at this point Jesus might have been tempted to turn away from his destined path. And his Father knew this so sent an Angel to encourage him that his path was the right one. It must be remembered that this occurred straight after the ‘Last Supper’ and so everyone would have seen and heard the argument that occurred between Jesus and Judas Escariot. If I were facing the same path I know that this alone would have given me food for thought!

This tells of the great faith that Jesus held for his Father and his love for Mankind. Even though he knew what must be done, he also knew that he he could ask his Father to lighten the burden and indeed did. He knew that going forward would save mankind!

I am sure that the disciples would have been confused, not just by the argument but by the very nature of what went on during the ‘Last Supper’. The references to his body and blood and that He would not always be with them and indeed was going where they could not yet follow him too. The distance that Jesus was away from them could have meant that they heard everything that Jesus prayed about! This would scare and confuse and I think this is why they fell asleep, from sheer nervous exhaustion. I wonder if Jesus had thoughts about them, did he worry that he had not chosen the right men for the job ahead?

I feel the lesson to be learned from this passage is that we should all trust our Father implicitly just as Jesus did, and to have the obedience and integrity to live by the word.

Second Day; Matthew 14; vv 22 - 32

I met with Harold for the first ‘proper’ session with him today. It felt a bit rushed as every time I attempted to sit down to do the half hour meditation in the morning something interrupted. I felt rushed as I also helped Suzette out with Her service of Harvest festival with the staff and children of Wincobank Nursery and Infants School. In the end I did it in two 20 minute slots but it did not feel right and I was feeling a little disjointed.

The main point that I got out of the passage was that even Jesus needed time alone with God, and that if He did, then it is not unreasonable to suggest that we should try and do the same.

Again that simple word, Come was in this passage reminding us that all we are required to do is be obedient, anything else is icing on the cake.

It shows that without Jesus in our lives things are rocky, as in the waves and wind picking up in the passage, it is interesting to note that when Jesus gets in the boat, then the wind and waves die down, this is echoed similarly in several of the other Gospels (cf Matthew 8; vv 23 - 27, Mark 4; vv 35 - 41 & Luke 8; vv 22 - 25).

I wonder what Peter’s motives were for getting out of the Boat? Ego, faith, wanting to be the best disciple? Either way he would have required belief that he could do it and therefore without thinking He jumps in. It is not until he notices the wind and waves that he gets distracted and starts to sink, however, instead of asking for help from the other disciples he cries out to Jesus for help, knowing that in doing so he would be saved. This is something that we all should practice as without Jesus in the centre of our lives we are unable to do the things we are called to do accurately.

First Day; John 1; vv 35 - 39

Last night was the first meeting of the Week of Accompanied Prayer (WOP). There was a time of prayer and meditation and the reading John 1; vv 35-39. This reading spoke volumes to me. It spoke of reclothing or renewal, I felt that I was being told to be still, and that in the stillness I would know that You are my God. During my half hour with you today the reading spoke of the wonder I felt at being asked to come. Me an individual with sin and regrets is still welcome at your table. It spoke of trust as by being obedient it would open me to more attack, but the trust and faith in you would give me the strength to fight whatever is laid against me. Vanessa thought that Luke 1; vv 35 & 39 would be appropriate as well as Zephaniah 3; v 17, each speaks of obedience to the lord. I felt overwhelmed with the feeling that Jesus asks us What we want when I feel it should be the other way round.

Being obedient to the word Come is dangerous, it can bring Joy and great sadness but I felt that God was saying I will not put anything on you that you will not cope with or learn from!!

My afternoon session ended up with Pauline as Harold was ill today, but Pauline was quick to pick up on the dichotomy of the command to ‘Be Still’ and the fact that I was talking about running in the cycle of grace. I felt like I was having a verbal explosion all over Pauline, she felt that I need to explore that trust issue, suggesting I look at Peter walking on the water (Matt 14; vv 22-32) and meditate on these issues. After glimpsing at the passage it immediately seemed to speak to me again. I hope that this week continues in this way as I will really get a lot from this week which may enable me to keep the ‘connection’ open with you, my God & King!

Just come back from the taster evening for the week of accompanied prayer, it seems like it will be a good week. I am concerned that I will not be able to completely enjoy the week if I over do it!! Vanessa has been feeling really pants for a couple of days maybe she is feeling stressed at the state of the house. I am at the moment to sore to help her.

The joys of parenthood

Harry for the first time since starting Nursery last week did not cry when we dropped him off, it seems that he has got the message that crying will not get him out of it and he has settled down to enjoy himself.

On a sadder note, my father inlaw Martin and his partner Viv lost their Brindeled Staff today, she had cancer, fluid on the lungs and an enlarged heart. They are both distrought as they completely doted on her. However, at least she is no longer suffering. The boys are pretty broken up about it to. She was a very placid gentle creature and for this reason she will be sadly missed. The good people of Blackpool will miss seeing her waddle along the mereside.

Been to See the Doc

I went to see the Doc last night as I am unable to get any respite from constant back, knee and elbow pain. He put me on nefapan as well as dihydrocodiene and paracetamol, along with all my other meds I feel like a walking pharmacy. Hey ho, At the moment however, I am feeling like the pain has subsided to almost none existence yeah. I hope that this continues as I am hopping to get back to work in next couple of months.

Harry and George seem to be feeling a little on edge, when is it kids sleep through the night?? They both keep disturbing with bad dreams. Maybe their picking up on mine and Nessa's stress. I'm sure it is just to do with the fact that they have restarted school/nursery since the summer break, but we shall see.

Nessa still remains working for the Conni club but I wish she would quit and find something else as she isn't enjoying the relationship with her immediate line manager.

Latest attempt at blogging

Hi every one this is my latest attempt to get the blogging thing going!!! This is a short entry to see if this works!

Had a good weekend in Blackpool, Vanessa seems much better now that she has seen her dad. Martin seems to be coping with the death sentence better than I expected. Viv is putting a brave face on things but I can tell that it has knocked her for six.

Martin has returned to the faith that he was inducted into. Thank you God that you welcome us back into the fold even after lapsing. Look upon your child martin with compassion and help him to reconcile his return unto your arms.

Blackpool is the same as ever. It does not help that we go to the same places do the same things and generally repeat the same steps every time we go. I think when we can a change in destination would be a good idea.

The trip to Norfolk has been postponed till next week as cash has evaporated and the voucher money has not yet hit my account. We are taking a leap of faith that means we could be left with egg on our face but hey ho.

I am completely exhausted from the weekend and my legs, back arm and shoulder are aching with the cold wet weather we are experiencing. I am also not entirely sure about my blood pressure it seems to be out of control again. I will have to wait and see what Dr Gunn thinks in September.

I am feeling like poo, my tooth hurts and I can’t get to a dentist!!!!!!!!! My children are doing my head in. I am knackered as I did not sleep very well. The Doctor finally gave me some seleping pills. yippee

After going to Skeggy on Sunday with the Club, I have been exhausted and a little unwell. It seems I may have over done things. I had to cancel yesterdays meeting with Louise Morson, and from that I am beginning to get the nagging feeling that i am neglecting my faith. It just is not very easy to connect at the moment. When I want to do anything with the Church being in Firth Park has mad it very difficult to get there. Never mind I have resolved to make a better effort and keep connecting when I can. I have found out that there is to be a party on 1st Sept in Norfolk to celebrate Uncle Derek’s 50th, Laura’s 18th & Dad’s birthday. I am afraid that we cannot afford to do both and I would be unhappy to miss the last service with Mike Gilbert. We are at the moment still going down for a few days next week.

Update

It seems, that I have neglected to use this software a bit. This may be because I have been shattered and not felt like doing an entry. However, I wanted to last night, which means I’ve just got to get back into the habit of it. I am currently feeling really dopy as the Doc’s have increased my Citilapram up to 60μg a day. I am feeling a little mor anxious as well and have been taking it out on Vanessa. I hopefully should feel better soon. Martin has been told he has a couple of years left and feeling rather scared. We are hoping to go and see him next weekend followed by a trip to see my folks as this will be the first time since christmas we will have seen them. I don’t want to go by train however, I don’t have much choice seeing as how I have been asked to not drive for a while.. We probably couldn’t have afforded the car and petrol anyway.

I am trying out this copy of MacJournal, to see if this is better than using pages as I was doing. I am a little unsure how to operate it at the moment, but I am sure that it will work out fine.

I have sucessfully installed and setup the wireless router for Janet. I am now connected as is Nessa and Janet. I think that it has been locked and therefore should not have access to outsiders but we will see.